Whew!

One of my doctors was concerned I might be pre-diabetic, so she ordered blood tests. My high triglycerides and difficulty losing weight were two indicators she mentioned. I haven't met with her yet, but I was able to get access to my lab results, and except for C-Peptides which were .1 out of recommended range (apparently that's an indicator of inflammation somewhere in the body -- my guess is my arthritic knees). Everything else was refreshingly normal. Including my cholesterol readings -- that's largely due to Vytorin. Vytorin is working great for me.

Of course, I'm also trying to eat a diet to encourage good cholesterol readings, but I know from experience a large part of my cholesterol problems are not related to diet.

When I get back from three weeks of vacation, I'll make an appointment with the doc to make sure she interprets those readings the same way. The reading the doc was concerned about was in the high normal range. I'll see what she wants to do about it, but I'm relieved I don't have something to worry about right now. I think she's right though -- I need to make some adjustments now to prevent or delay problems later.

In another note, I had a really neat visit to the podiatrist this morning to get fitted for new orthotics. I'm amazed at how much a professional can tell just by touch. The doc was warm and friendly, putting me at ease right away. I explained what I wanted as I was removing my boots and socks. He put me up in the comfy chair right away and put plastic bags on my feet. He got what he needed to make the molds for my new orthotics. As he was molding the stuff to my feet, he commented something about my forefoot. I asked him to explain, and I got a very interesting explanation about the imbalance in my feet that throws my alignment off when I don't use my orthotics. My right foot has a more pronounced "fault" than my left, but both feet do it to some extent. When he took the mold off, he showed me what my feet do -- my feet roll to the outside and fall to the inside, resulting in strain on the medial aspects of my knees (hmmm...I've had medial meniscus tears in both my knees...) He held the mold up like it should be, but when he let go, the front inside of my foot dropped to the table. I should have my new orthotics in six weeks.

The long haul

There's a lot to be said for the immediate gratification of food. I feel bad so I break out the Pringles and let a few chips massage my ego. Frankly, it works and it's cheaper than booze. Or how about the pleasure that a Reeses peanut butter cup can give as soon as I pop it in my mouth? No delay, no work beyond opening the package, just the creamy chocolate melting in my mouth.

There aren't a lot of healthy rewards that offer the pleasure of fattening foods. In fact, I can't think of one. I know there are people who claim that if they jog a few miles, they start experiencing a "runner's high." Not having experienced one, I'll take their word for it. I would like to point out, however, that you don't have to jog a single step to enjoy a peanut butter cup.

We live in an instant gratification world. Patience may be the less used virtue. People ask me what's the hardest thing about writing books. It's the waiting. I want the book done now so that it can be published and I can move on to my next project. With a wave of my hand, I'd like to have it written.

But it doesn't work that way. Instead, I have a goal of 500 words a day. 500 and 500 and 500 and so on, and eventually I have a book. It isn't easy. After a hard day at work, I'd rather sink into my recliner and watch some mindless TV, preferably a show that features half-naked women and lots of explosions. Bond, for instance.

I'm beginning to think losing weight is a lot like writing a book. You exercise 30 minutes or eat healthy or whatever small step you make, and eventually you've lost weight. But it takes time.

As near as I can recall, it took nearly 10 years for me to reach my weight, one peanut butter cup at a time. I didn't go to sleep one night and wake the next morning with 150 extra pounds. Instead, I put the weight one pound at a time. Taking it off may take the same slow progress.

Losing weight is the long haul. It's the commitment to begin anew each day. To just take those few healthy steps daily -- exercise 30 minutes, drink plenty of water instead of soft drinks, eat fruits instead of candy, salads instead of cheese-drowned pizza -- and not look up until I reach the end of my journey.

Whether or not, I have the willpower to do so ... that's the question.

Yet

The fact that I am fat, obese, seriously unhealthy, can't touch my toes without being in pain, unable to bend over without holding on something, can't find clothes that don't fit like tents (because that is what they are) ... all this doesn't motivate me to lose weight. In fact, in many ways, it sends me to the cookies and ice cream.

Odd, isn't it? I am intelligent (fairly so, anyway). I know losing weight will help my health. Exercise will help my attitude toward life. Both will increase my quality of life. I might even have a date again not based on pity or overlooking my size. Yet ... I do not.

I am diabetic. Diabetes kills people. It kills people. It has killed clients, friends and family. It can be controlled by careful diet, exercise, medication. I could control it. I might even be able to force it back.

So why aren't I?

Why am I trying to kill myself? Why am I choosing to be fat? Why is food my master?

Why?

I don't have answers.

But I'm going to find some. Or I'm going to shut up and eat myself to an early death. If I don't work on saving myself, I'm going to stop whining about it. If food ends up being my choice of suicide weapon, so be it, but I'm going to stop pretending to care if I really don't.

I'm not done yet. I think I can raise the standard once more.

I'm not done.

Yet.

SparkPeople

I just learned about a competing website to FitDay.com. SparkPeople. If you're interested and want to read a comparison between the two, go here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/60655/the_best_free_diet_website_fitday_versus.html

I tried FitDay.com a couple of years ago and didn't really like it. I'm giving SparkPeople a try. www.sparkpeople.com I'm using username Magellan60. If you decide to join this week, we'll be in the same "class."

6th Poll Results

What's your favorite no-calorie drink?
4 (66%) Water
0 (00%) Crystal Light drinks
2 (33%) Diet sodas
0 (00%) Diet teas
0 (00%) Other
Total
6 voters

New poll at upper left.

Week 6

+5 pounds on the year, which means I'm back to where I was three weeks ago.

I'm still logging what I eat. I've been making observations about it sometimes, but I'm not killing myself (perhaps a bad turn of phrase?) to make serious progress.

Minestrone Pasta Salad

(Sorry--the pic isn't great because all I had was my cell phone camera. The boys took my digital to the Pro-Am. Clicky biggie.)

3 cups uncooked medium pasta shells*
1 can (16 oz.) kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 can (15 oz.) garbanzo OR chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 can (14.5 oz.) Italian diced tomatoes, drained*
1 medium green pepper, chopped*
1 can (2.25 oz.) sliced ripe olives, drained*
1/4 cup chopped green onions
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese*
2/3 cup fat-free Italian salad dressing*

Cook pasta according to package directions. Meanwhile, in large bowl, combine remaining ingredients. Drain pasta and rinse in cold water; add to bean mixture and toss. Add dressing and toss to coat. Cover and refrigerate for 3-4 hours before serving.

13 (3/4 cup) servings
Per Serving:
210 calories
3 g fat (1 g saturated fat)
3 mg cholesterol
665 mg sodium
37 g carbohydrate
6 g fiber
10 g protein
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 lean meat, 1 vegetable
Weight Watcher Points: 3.5 points

*The changes I made: Used rotini pasta (filled in with a little bow-tie because I ran out of rotini) because the shells cooked unevenly on the first salad for funeral. Used two small fresh tomatoes, seeded, because the canned looked a bit mushy. It looks so much better with fresh! Used half a green and half a red pepper this time. Used the 3.8 oz. can of sliced olives because I really like olives. Used fresh shredded Parmesan cheese instead. Used my favorite dressing, Kraft Caesar Vinaigrette with Parmesan instead (shown in pic.) Yum!

From Taste of Home's Light & Tasty 2004

Week Four (a few days late)

My weight is about the same. It's fluctuated about three pounds up and down this week. I've kept my online private journal. I am now tracking my daily weight, what I eat, my exercise (including pedometer readings for my Walking to Somewhere jaunt. We just started today, so if anyone wants to join us, just chime in and ask. On a day when I think things are either way out of whack or really in sync (someday that will happen), I also post about that, too. I know I'm an emotional eater, so if I can get myself to start being more aware, that will help.

I'm having a hard time getting back into working out after being sick. I hope the Walking to Somewhere and a desire to see Hershey's joy on his walks will serve as a solid motivator.

An Update

I posted another essay on my blog that ended up, at least partly, being about food and weight. I'm being lazy and not crossposting it here. You guys can click on the link in the sidebar. It's my ploy to try to get a little more traffic on my blog, hopefully traffic that consists of people who might be interested in what I write. lol

I've been maintaining my weight pretty steadily since I started writing it down. My habit to work on now is to put the calorie count down. The thing about that is that I have to pay more attention to portion sizes in order to be accurate about the calorie count. I hate weighing and measuring my food, but there's really no other way to be accurate. It's important because the calorie counts aren't absolute. There's a percentage of error caused by natural variation in food and that companies aren't rigorous in figuring it all out. Often, if you look at a company's line of similar foods, the calorie counts will be the same, even if the ingredients are very different. So, guessing at the portions just exaggerates the inaccuracy of your calorie counts.

The other habit I want to work on is getting back into exercising regularly. I miss doing that. I've done some exercising since I last wrote that's my goal, just not at the level I was last year. So, I'm working back up to that level. We've had a lot of rain, but it's sunny outside now, so I'm going to go for a walk while the weather's still good.

My third habit is to get back to planning and cooking the meals I planned. I miss cooking regularly and I have to be stricter with people who call at the last minute wanting me to do stuff for them. Sometimes it's not an issue. Sometimes it's something I can't say no to because there's a time limit and I'm getting paid to do it. But there are times I could say no, but like a lot of nurturing women, I don't.

What I've Been Doing

I decided to write what I've been doing as a separate post from the essay. I started a journal with my food, weight, and whether I take my calcium and vitamins. I'm thinking that if I can see what my normal eating pattern is, it will be easier to figure out how to adjust it.

I'm not sure my diagnosis is correct, because no health insurance means you don't go to the doctor for minor things like random cramping in the muscles in the front of your legs. I've eliminated shin splints from the mix because not walking didn't help. By process of elimination, I've pretty much figured it's a circulation issue, probably related to varicose veins. Super-support hose helps, but the best ones only go up to one size smaller than I am.

That tells me two things. First, losing weight will help my circulation in general. Second, losing weight means I can fit into Sheer Energy or J.C. Penney's super support hose. They're expensive, but they work. I hate spending money on hose that really don't do the job. But not wearing any support hose seems to be worse than wearing inadequate support. I hate pantyhose, but not as much as I hate being in pain.

My next thing is to find a way to exercise without exacerbating the leg pain. I think I'm going to have to find out how to use the treadmills or elliptical machines in the fitness room. My walk is too much on hard sidewalks. I'm going to miss my Peet's coffee, though. I was walking to Peet's, getting a cup of black coffee, and walking home. Three miles total. We don't live close to a track anymore, which is frustrating because I enjoyed walking outside on the track the best. I don't really want to do the gym because I'd rather be outside, but I feel like I have no choice, at least not until I lose enough weight to wear the smaller, better support hose. I'm hoping that with good support hose, I'll be able to walk outdoors again.

Some Thoughts Cross-posted from my Blog

I thought these random thoughts might interest you and maybe fuel an interesting discussion.

An RSS feed on my Google sidebar came up with an article that linked to this blog post about prettiness . It's a subject I've thought about for a long time. I love the way she puts it--'Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female".' And she says the opposite, too--"You don't owe UN-prettiness to feminism..."

She's talking about the idea that as a woman, we're "expected to" or "supposed to" be pretty. I remember reading comments in fashion or similar types of articles where men said things like, "I felt cheated when I saw a woman with long hair and a good body, but when I saw her face, she was old." Or one who was offended by fat women who wear shorts. I never could express my anger at the idea that I was somehow shirking my duty if I didn't conform to their expectations. I've rebelled against that idea my whole life. I've never liked the idea that I was on display, just because I'm female. I don't think it's my duty to fuel some random stranger's sexual fantasies. It's my duty to be happy with myself and how I look.

Yet, thanks to my shallow, vain mother and a shallow, vain culture, it's really hard to get past that idea. Although, in my last paragraph, I mentioned men, I think it's the women in our lives that make the "rule" most personal. I sometimes wonder if part of the reason I've had issues with my weight aren't related to that rebellion against being defined by how I look. But being fat dosen't prevent me from being defined that way. It exacerbates it. I've known people who think I'm not "good enough" to be friends with because of my weight. Their loss, not mine. It doesn't bother me because they weren't people I have enough in common with to want to socialize with anyway, but it does bother me that people think it's a valid way to choose friends.

I'm not sure that there's a solution to this problem, since it's in part inborn. We're drawn to more attractive people in order to keep the human race going. We all want healthy babies and our biology goes for the most healthy people, which we assume attractive people are.

But I also think that the technology we have has skewed our perspective. It allows us to see people from all over the world, to be able to compare ourselves (usually negatively) with the few who look "right", even if those looks are the result of makeup, dress, hairstyling and a lot of Photoshopping. We see the ideal, and don't see the parade of normal people around us. For an eye-opening experience, look at the portfolio from a professional retoucher: Glen Ferron. Roll your mouse over the ads to see what the models looked like before the retouching. And remmember, the "after" pictures are the ones held up as being "ideal", even though they're complete fakes. The actual models don't even look like that.

I've often thought that we fool ourselves when we talk about losing weight "for our health". It's the "acceptable" reason to want to lose weight because, while our culture puts its stock in appearance, we all know that's a shallow value. And so we pretend not to care so much about it. Yet, even though our health may be affected by our weight, we don't usually look to health improvement as a measure of our success. We look at numbers on the scale, measuring tape around our middles, clothes sizes and what we see in the mirror. When our health does improve, we often think we're still failing because we haven't "lost enough" weight, which is usually defined by how we look.

This post rambles a bit, because it's kind of my random thoughts on various aspects of the subject. I've been facing issues that may or may not be weight-related, so I've been exploring in my mind my attitudes towards food, weight, appearance, health and all of that stuff. I really don't have any conclusions, but it's important to me to figure this out. I was just told that my favorite aunt died last night. She had complications of diabetes and she's the one I seem to take after the most, genetically. I don't have symptoms, but she didn't either--until she was in her 60s. I see a potentially ticking time bomb, even though I've lived a generally healthier lifestyle than she did. And the diabetes is not in a direct line (parent or sibling) to me, but my grandfather had it, so the possibility is there.

Lest this seem like my aunt's death is about me, it's not. I don't grieve in public. And my grief isn't the topic of this post. I will miss her very much. She was the one I talked cooking with. And she was the musical one. We had a lot in common. But I don't want to follow her into an early grave. I hope that doesn't make me seem cold. It's just that I'm not done with life, yet.

Week Three

Up five pounds on the year but down one pound from last week

Hit and miss on portion control. I have continued to log what I eat, but I need to work on recording portion sizes. I'm not pushing too hard on that yet, because I want to keep the recording going.

Two Week

Ugh. I'm up six pounds on the year now. I guess my sickness dehydration disappeared.

Not a very good week for me. On the positive side, I walked three miles today. I think I have set a workout schedule of weight training (with bands and hand weights) on Mondays, yoga on Wednesdays (as long as my knee holds up), and spinning on Friday. In between, I really need to walk Hershey -- and I need to push myself to walk more three mile walks than one mile walks.

I have logged my food, weight, and exercise in my food diary this week -- there were a couple of days when I almost didn't. I almost went to Burger King one day and convinced myself not to. Not so "lucky" for today, but today's success was in talking myself out of King sizing ("only" large sized) what I got (Whopper Jr -- they are better than the Whopper).

Doggone It

I'm starting over. I feel almost unwound from last week. There's not much major happening in the foreseeable future, so I hope I'll be able to keep to my plan.

I have to thank Jean for her pedometer recommendation. I bought one for my bestest friend for Christmas, and one for myself. My friend loves it! I've just started wearing it and it works really well. The manual says it won't count when going up and down stairs, but mine does. :)

I heard or read it somewhere to shoot for 10,000 steps a day. Even with all the housework I've been doing the last couple of days, and I thought I was doing well, I haven't even come close, but that does not include a walk around the neighborhood. Seems I need to up my steps about seven times. I don't know if walks would do that or not. I'll have to see how many steps I get out of a walk the next time.

I've considered advertising for a canine walking companion. There are dogs all over my neighborhood, and I'm sure their owners don't have time to, or just don't walk them. Now, don't die of shock that I'm thinking of walking a dog--I like them if they're decently behaved. I figured a dog would be happy to go with me whenever I'm ready to go. I wouldn't even charge the owner, they just can't complain about the free service. :)

One Week

I'm still feeling crummy. I went to bed at 8:15 last night and had no problems sleeping all night. But that's not what we're here to talk about. What's my progress for one week?

- +1.6 pounds
- I do not feel I have done well with my portion control
- I have not had carbonated beverages since the ones in the refrigerator were finished off. At least I think they're all gone. I haven't conducted a thorough scavenger hunt. I almost ordered a Diet Coke at lunch today but switched to unsweet iced tea, and was much happier.
- Not formally tracking, but I have recorded my food diary every day this week (to include weight and exercise)

My lungs are clear from my bout with pneumonia, but I'm still feeling crummy. I have a couple of medical appointments over the next week to have a couple of items of concern checked on, but I don't anticipate any miracle resolutions to any of the problems -- hopefully reassurances that everything is normal even though I don't like it. On the other hand, if there's something easy to do, I hope I find out about it.

Resolute

Here's the link to the blurb about New Year's Resolutions I found the other day.

Every December 31, we hear the same warning: Make too many resolutions and you’ll get so discouraged you won’t achieve any. But a study from Baylor College of Medicine turns that caution on its head....

Good Housekeeping - Healthy New Year!
(Middle of the page)

It makes me wonder if the discouragement comes from NOT working on the other things we want to work on, but put on the back burner in favor of THE one resolution. It's a given that we'll fall off the wagon from time to time. However, if you're working on more than one thing, what are the chances you're going to fall off multiple wagons at once? I wouldn't think that's very likely, so that leaves at least one of your resolutions still up and running, providing a boost to keep you going on the other resolution(s) that might not be faring so well.

What do you think?

Are you...

... drinking your water? Experts say that you should drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day on average and increase that amount by one glass for every 25 pounds that you are overweight. (Apparently I should be drinking Lake Superior.)

Drinking that much water supposedly helps you lose weight and be healthy by decreasing your appetite, flushing your body of "stored" water, hydrating your skin for a more youthful appearance, helping your kidneys and liver work more efficiently, and increasing your metabolism. (See this article for more information about the benefits of drinking lots of water.)

I've been trying to increase my water consumption each day. I'm still drinking a soft drink every now and then, and I'd like to quit them completely, but it's hard to do. Sometimes that caffeine and sugar are irresistible. I'll keep working on it. But tell me, are you drinking that much water? And if you are, is it helping you win the weight war?

My plan for 2008

      I have to lose weight. This has to be done this year. To that end, I purchased a recumbent bike last Wednesday. I've used it almost every day since my roomie put it together (thanks, ETC). My legs feel ... terrible. Sigh. Anyway, here's is my plan for losing weight in 2008.
      A. Ride my recumbent bike at least once a day.
      B. Eat more salads and low calorie meals.
      C. Control portion size. Smaller, smaller, smaller.
      D. Drink more water. Lots more.
      E. Limit sweets of any sort. This will definitely help my diabetes.
      F. Eat more veggies. Lots more.
      G. Cook more and eat out less.
      H. Get more sleep. Lack of sleep has been shown to increase weight gain as well as cause other health problems.
      I. Understand that it will take at least a couple of years (or more) for me to lose this weight. It's not going to be easy to lose weight, but when I do, the rewards will be great.
      J. Remember that I've not failed until I give up, and be kind to myself when I slip up.
      And that's how I intend to lose weight in 2008. How are you going to do it?

5th poll results

What's your trouble food that you can't resist?
3 (30%) Chocolate/other sweets
3 (30%) Soft drinks
3 (30%) Red meat
0 (0%) Beer/other drinks
3 (30%) Other
Total
12 votes
10 voters

Frenzied's New Year Post

Jean has said some things that I could have written myself. It wasn't an employer, but a particular family member that is hyper-focused on weight. She is significantly overweight herself, so I tend to think that she focuses on it in other people to undermine their efforts so she doesn't feel alone in her size category. I don't really think she does it consciously, but I think that's the underlying reason. I have always been independent-leaning, so someone trying to make me feel one way or another and I'm off to the races.

I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol, too. It still remains to be seen if diet and exercise will help the cholesterol. Diet alone hasn't, so maybe the exercise will. I have no explanation for the high blood pressure. Historically, I've always had perfect or low blood pressure.

I'm going to spend the next week or so getting back to keeping track of WW points. I'm not going back to WW, I was there long enough to know the program. I just want to get re-educated in the point value of different foods so I can do it without too much thinking. Also, going back to points, I'm going to go back as far as the WW program when I first started. You had a certain number of points and could bank any daily leftovers. You did not get to carry the banked points over to the next week. That worked better for me than having a certain number of daily points and then an additional number of weekly points. Just entailed too much for me to want to keep track.

For this week, I'm going to study what an actual serving size looks like. I just measured out my breakfast cereal and orange juice. I just want to eyeball it when I get really cruising. There are a lot of things WW and others suggest to help you determine the size of a serving, such as a piece of boneless chicken breast should about the size of a deck of cards. I just haven't tried to commit more of it to memory so I don't have to look up everything every other time.

I weighed myself this morning for a starting weight, and even though it's a day less that Tuesday to Friday, I'm going to report again on Friday. The good news is that this morning I was down 2.4 from the last time I weighed myself. I'm not counting that since I'm starting with today, but it sure didn't hurt to see that! :)

Jean's New Year Post

My long-term goal is to weigh between 165 and 180. That means I have between 80 and 95 pounds to lose. I'm going to start working toward the 80 pound goal and worry about that "last 15" later -- presumably much later.

I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol -- both controlled with low doses of medication (diet didn't do much for the cholesterol, so part of that is hereditary). I have osteoarthritis in knees, ankles, feet, and hands. I've had arthroscopic surgery to repair meniscal tears in both of my knees -- the left one looks like 70's shag carpet inside. I take Osteo Bi-Flex (a glucosamine chondroitin product) and Tylenol Arthritis to keep the knees and other joints functioning with minimal pain. Until the recent bout with pneumonia, I walked or walked/jogged five days a week. I'm nearly ready to resume that.

I've recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea. Losing weight will help reduce the impact of each of the medical problems I've mentioned.

I have twenty-eight years of being hassled by my employer about my weight (even when I was one hundred pounds lighter, it wasn't good enough for them). As a result of 28 years of nothing I do being good enough, I have a bit of an attitude about the whole weight loss thing. I realize this impact of this attitude only hurts me, so there is value in changing that attitude. At this point, I refuse to deprive myself of something I want. So how do I effect change?

I'm going to take baby steps, because the impact of carrying this extra weight is beginning to "outweigh" the benefits being rebellious. My husband has suggested reducing volume as a significant effort I could make. This would not deprive me of anything I wanted. I should just eat less of everything. This makes a lot of sense and will be one of the things I strive to achieve this year. I have several other things I'd like to do to eat and live healthier. First, I'm going to return to eliminating carbonated beverages from my diet. I did it while deployed in 2004, and I believe I can do it again. When I run out of colas, I won't replace them. I do, however, drink Minute Maid Light sometimes. Water has a lot to offer, and I can guzzle it rather well.

So here it is. New Habit for January: Eliminate carbonated beverages. (This will contribute to eating fewer chips, crackers, and salty foods, because I've noticed I tend to choose a beverage based upon what snack food I want to support -- if I eliminate that beverage, there's a good chance I'll eat far less of that type of snack food.)

Year-long habit to develop: Reduced portion sizes. To encourage this without feeling deprived, I'm going to allow myself to eat as much as I want, as long as I slow down and eat a smaller quantity at any given time. I will also continue drinking plenty of water and discipline myself to wait between servings.

So, who's with me tomorrow?? :)

Happy 2008!

Good morning, partners! And a Happy New Year to everyone!

The sun is trying to come up and is bringing a beautiful show of colors in the eastern sky this morning. It's the dawning of a new year, and 365 more chances to start over fresh, every day.

Let's make this the best year yet, building on our successes of the past couple of years, dealing with all our new challenges and learning from the lessons we've shared.

God bless us every one with good health, good attitudes and a renewed vigor in our pursuit of lighter lives!

Year-End Update

I went home for the holidays with the intention of eating right and beginning to lose some weight. I did eat. I ate reasonably. I also came down with pneumonia, and that helped me moderate my eating. I lost nine pounds.

I'm still not feeling great, but I plan to use this jump start to keep losing and eating more reasonably than I have in the past. I don't like the physical symptoms I've been experiencing over the last few months, and I suspect they're entirely attributable to excess weight. From this, I perceive I just may be ready to do what it takes to effectively change my lifestyle and attain a healthier body weight.

At the beginning of December, I had a hundred pounds to lose. As of this morning, I have 91 to go. I look forward to continuing the journey with each of you.

What a surprise!

We have been lax with our posts in December! I completely understand. This is the hardest time of year to focus on taking care of ourselves. Some days the best we can hope for is to hold the line and minimize the damage.

I have to report though, so please indulge me for a minute. Thanks. I had my last diabetes education class yesterday after work. There was a bit of a pop quiz, to see how much I remembered of the intensive classes I had during October and November. I'm glad to report that my diligent note-taking paid off and drilled the information into my brain, to the satisfaction of the diabetes educator. I've identified three areas I need to work on for the next couple of months -- finding an option for winter exercise since the weather may preclude my walks; finding a method of making sure that I take my second dose of medicine each day (there's one pill that I need to take twice a day and I often find myself forgetting the second dose.) Third, remembering to test my blood sugar level at least once a day, at different times. This is difficult because I can't just link it with one particular meal or time of day. I need to create a rotating schedule, sometimes monitoring before meals, and other times two hours after a meal. I think I need to rely on setting the alarm on my cell phone to prompt my memory so I can get a better picture over time.

So overall, things are going well except for the occasional memory slips when I may skip that second dose of meds or not get monitoring in on one day. I can do better, but I certainly could also do a lot worse. Just something to work on.

I am very pleased to report that I have now lost 22 pounds from my top weight when we started The Great Slim Down. Officially it is 8 pounds off since I was diagnosed with diabetes in September. Not a rapid weight loss, but steady, and so far, permanent. I'm now down to my "fightin' weight," when I got married.

Surely I'm not the only one who remembers landmark events by how much I weighed then, right?

My goal is to get down to the weight I was 10 years ago when my brother died and I could wear a size 8 Liz Claiborne. Only 27 pounds to go for that! I can do it!

Food Journals

A food journal works because it stops you from fooling yourself about what you really ate. I have an issue with doing it, though, because I've spent so much of my life planning food, tracking food, etc. with not much result. I lost the weight the last time without using one. I don't know if I can continue to do that, though. It's something I'm thinking about these days. I'm having problems with the varicose veins in my legs and so the pounds are starting to matter. I'm trying to decide how I want to approach this.

I've been reading the materials by Chef Kathleen Daelmans. She's a professional chef. About 12 years ago, she took a job and moved to Hawaii. After she got there, she was informed her job had changed. They wanted her to cook for the spa kitchen, not the regular one. She was a size 22. She figured out how to cook spa food and won a lot of awards. She also figured out how to lose a lot of weight. Now she's a size eight.

I'm thinking that with my love of cooking and good food, I might try using her methods for dealing with food. Her cookbooks have a lot of recipes and the concepts of how she did it. But they're short on how to break it down into doable steps. I ordered her workbook and when it gets here, I'll be better able to decide if I think it will work for me and is something I can do.

Miracle tool?

According to the American Medical Association and American Dietitians Association, what's the (supposedly) most fundamental and useful weight loss tool? People who use this tool lose more weight and keep the weight off better than those who don't. Many successful weight loss programs, such as Weight Watchers and the Zone, use this tool. Yet, most people don't use this tool, even though it requires almost no expense.

What's this miracle tool?

A food diary.

Yep, that's right. A food diary. One in which you list every single thing you've eaten or drunk each day.

My diabetes nurse suggested that I keep a food diary to record all foods and drinks that I consume for a two-week period. Then we can look at what foods I can eliminate in my quest for a healthier weight.

My diabetes dietitian said, "I strongly suggest this to everyone, but few people do it. They won't take the extra few minutes after each meal and snack to record what they ate." She said that people are often unaware of how much they really eat, and a food diary is an excellent way to discover this. She has found that people who do keep a diary are more likely to lose weight and keep it off. "They become mindful of what they are eating," she said. "Then they can choose to make better choices or eliminate useful calories."

Because I've been ill and haven't eaten much of anything other than chicken broth and rice -- and you can trust me when I say that's nowhere typical for me -- I haven't started my diary yet. My plan is to start it on Sunday. I've already purchased a sturdy, cheap notebook at Staples (three for $1) to use as my diary.

After I record for a couple of weeks, the dietitian said I should be able to start identifying foods that affect my blood sugar adversely (I will be recording my blood sugar counts in it, also). She also said that I will probably be horrified by the amount of food that I eat without being aware.

Does anyone out there use a food diary? And if not, would you like to join me in using one? I think it has a lot of potential to help us reach healthy weights.

Comments on Sneaky Tricks

Some of the tricks they mentioned that have worked for me have been eating more salads and soups & adding more fruits and veggies to my regular food choices. I liked the idea of adding only one extra serving at a time. I think it's easier to stick with it if you don't make large, drastic changes. You hardly notice one small change, but after you've made several of them, they can add up to big results.

I also am a fan of "grazing"--eating more frequent, smaller meals. I've lost the most weight when I've eaten that way. Sometimes it's hard, though, because I have an irregular schedule. I've been caught needing food, but not having any. Then when I can eat again, I'm super hungry and I overeat. So I have to plan carefully to do that.

I've been noticing lately that I tend to eat exactly what I put on my plate. So, my latest trick for portion control is smaller plates. I don't usually go back for seconds, so I do eat less because I can't fit as much food on a smaller plate. Or maybe the same amount looks like more. I don't know. This is the one childhood habit I can't seem to break--eating everything on my plate. My mom chose the amount we were going to eat by serving us. And she expected us to eat it all. I can't seem to break that habit, so I'm trying to start off with less food.

Walking is a biggie with me. I'm still walking my three miles, five days a week. We've been reorganizing our kitchen, now that we have a good step stool. Paul moved the higher shelves down a bit, but I still have to climb up the step stool. Climbing the step stool and bending down to get the stuff out of the lower cupboards is giving me an unexpected boost in exercise. I've been cooking the last of the three Thanksgiving meals we're eating this year and have noticed that I'm getting a lot of exercise in my tiny kitchen. Surprising!

Increasing fiber is the last thing I've been doing lately. And the last one in the article I've had experience with. That has been successful for me in the past. I'm increasing the fiber in what I bake. I purchased the King Arthur Flour Whole-Grain baking cookbook for my birthday. I'm going to experiment with adding more whole grains to my baking, since I love to bake.

The one other thing I need to get back to is getting at least eight glasses of water. I keep forgetting to take it with me and get behind. I notice that when I don't drink it all my ankles and hands will swell up a bit from the extra water my body holds. Plus, it's super important to drink enough water when you eat more fiber.

You can see why I decided to write a post, rather than just comment on the article. I had a lot to say. Good article. Very thought-provoking.

Sneaky Little Slimdown Tips

CNN's Fit Nation has a list of sneaky ways to help us achieve our goals today.

I know for a fact several of these will work. For instance, am I the only person who chooses to drink a diet soft drink because it "goes better with the chips" I want to eat, and if I drink a water, I won't feel like eating the chips?

Is this insane, or what? It's certainly self-defeating, yet I can clearly remember thinking exactly that when I'm making a decision about what to drink.

I especially want to give an honest effort to the visualization technique. I have used that successfully for other things in the past, and I believe it's very powerful.

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

DIETING HARDEST FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

CHICAGO - Emotional eaters -- people who eat when they are lonely or blue -- tend to lose the least amount of weight and have the hardest time keeping it off, U.S. researchers said.

They said the study may explain why so many people who lose weight gain it all back.

For this article to be truly helpful, they should have used some of the grant money to research what will HELP emotional eaters.

If you're an emotional eater, what do you to help yourself?

I couldn't vote

In the television watching poll, I couldn't vote because there wasn't a "I don't watch TV" option.

I will admit, it is getting a little harder after five months to continue without TV. At first I was too busy and not interested in getting cable and messing with all the stuff necessary to get TV up and running. Plus I was going through a real cheapskate phase. Maybe I haven't outgrown that yet.

I've also gotten re-hooked on my passion for reading and would rather spend time with a good book or two or three at a time.

There just hasn't been a lot of spare time for many of the things I enjoyed in my former lifestyle. I haven't watched TV, or knitted, or napped. I do walk every day, and I read, and I am active in community events and in covering local politics.

Overall I would say these are beneficial changes, but now that it is turning colder, I do wish I could veg out on the couch on a Saturday night with the clicker.

Building to a Crescendo

I've got to get hold of myself! I've been on such a roller coaster lately. I can't seem to stick with eating right for more than 2/3 of the day. I do great all day and then, BAM! The evening hits and I'm off.

I'm going to try Tech's technique of Slim Fast. Hopefully not only will I get a jump start, but break the cycle as well.

My doctor offered to write a prescription for diet pills, and I'm seriously considering it. I have an appointment with her next week, so I've got until then to make up my mind.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

Slim Fast report

It's going okay. I've lost five pounds on it. Not as fast as I used to lose weight on it, but I suspect the problem is that I'm having to snack a bit to keep my carbs up enough to satisfy the diabetes. (I'm supposed to have 60 carbs per meal and 15 carbs per snack. One original Slim-Fast has 40 carbs.)

I spoke to my doctor about Slim Fast, and he didn't know of any reason that I shouldn't use it, but cautioned me about letting my blood sugar crash and suggested that I increase my testing and watch my counts carefully. He was worried about it going too low. So I have been testing a half hour after each Slim Fast.

I did some research on the Net and found a couple of stories about people who went on Slim Fast and let their blood sugar crash. At least one nearly died. I'm being very careful. So far, so good.

It's important that I break this "lock" that my weight loss seems to be in. I will tell you that I'm struggling with the Slim Fast. I'm not hungry, not really, but I do crave unhealthy food -- and let me tell you, munching on a carrot stick does nothing to shut off a craving.

I read Mama Rose's post yesterday and identified with those people. I have certainly battled despair while trying to lose weight, and food really does bring me up. I have also looked at my size and felt hopeless. In fact, I've been going through a hopeless period for a while now. Thus my decision to attempt Slim Fast.

You'd think that losing five pounds would boost my mood, but you'd be wrong. I am obese, and five pounds is literally a drop in the bucket. When I consider how I've struggled this week with cravings, I find myself doubting that I can deny myself the foods I love in the amounts I desire for the years necessary for me to lose weight.

Of course, there a lot of weapons to use in the fight against fat, and obviously I'm still in the fight -- perhaps not gaining much ground -- but I haven't given up, either. I intend to win one way or another.

Addicted to Food?

I saw an interesting program on The Learning Channel last night. It was about 4 people who are truly food addicts. I learned a lot I didn't know from their stories. I learned what it means to be a food addict, and I learned I'm not one. That, at least, isn't my problem.

What these people said is that they can't stop eating. They get a "high" or "feel euphoric" after they've eaten. And it goes away, so they eat more. The people doing the show put on a table in front of each of them the foods they ate in one day. The foods were all high-fat, junk foods. The only veggies were french fries and chips. One woman ate something like 41 chocolate bars as snacks. One other woman ate enough M&Ms to add up to 3,000 calories. Their daily calorie totals ranged from a low of 9,000 to a high of 36,000. And that's for ONE day's food count. The two men couldn't get out of bed. The two women couldn't leave their houses. I don't know how these people afforded their food habits. They were spending hundreds of dollars a day on food. The people around them provided the food because if they didn't, the person would just order take-out.

This show had one flaw in that the way they presented the video of the people was done an a way that subtly suggested they were disgusting. I would have preferred if they'd done it in a way that showed some compassion for their situations. The scientist talking about the issue was very clear that there are a lot of factors in this and solving it isn't easy. Unlike other addictions, you can't totally give up food. They offered one man surgery to reduce the size of his stomach, but he has to lose over 100 pounds before they can do it. He made a rule list for the caregivers that stated what they were not to do, no matter what, because he said he'd try to manipulate them into giving him more food than he was supposed to eat. The chicken salad he was eating in his attempt to lose was the only healthy food on the program.

This show made my heart break a bit because our society insists on blaming people who are overweight, fat, whatever adjective fits the person. But we expect people to meet unrealistic weight requirements, too. So people who really aren't overweight get called overweight because we're constantly being fed the media image of "perfection". While I don't think any of us are buying into that ideal for ourselves, I also wonder if we don't think of ourselves as being worse than we really are--maybe even think we're like these 365-over 800-lb. people--just because we aren't ever thin "enough".

I guess what this really did was put things into perspective. It made me see that the successes I've had in the past can give me hope for the future. It made me appreciate that I'm healthy. I can exercise. I can live a normal life. These people can't do the baby steps that help us reach our goals because their lives are directly threatened. On the other hand, they're so discouraged by what they do and what they see in the mirror and their restricted lives that they don't believe they can change anything. What I got from that, again, is hope. I can change things. My life is full of things other than food. For these people, food IS their life. It was sad to watch. I know I can't help them, but I can help myself. And I can help all of you by lending my support in you all reaching your goals. It's worth the fight we all make with ourselves every day to keep ourselves healthy.

4th Poll

Do you exercise daily?
3 (50%) No. But I'm going to start.
3 (50%) Yes, I walk.
1 (16%) Yes, I do other exercises.
0 (0%) Yes, I swim.
0 (0%) Yes, I dance.
0 (0%) Yes, I weight train.
1 (16%) Yes, I do yoga.
0 (0%) Yes, I do aerobics.
0 (0%) Yes, I jog and/or run.
Total
8 votes

Product recommendation

I'm all about trying to find a good, healthy way to start the day. I've posted previously about the veggie bites, but I've had a hard time finding them again at my local hip market. (You know, the one that carries organic products in a section of a corner back in the back of the store, along with all the jars of vitamins and other supplements that pretend to be "health foods.")

Anyway, last night I was at Walgreen's picking up some Co Q-10. I honestly don't know what this stuff is but my doctor told me to take it and so I do. I really should look at some info on that. But anyhoo... I spent a good amount of time in the cereal aisle looking at the nutrition information on cereal boxes. I was chagrined and all to discover how little fiber there is in most cereals that promote themselves as healthy food. Especially compared to the number of carbohydrates per serving, and especially compared to the number of carbs from sugar. Thanks Tech, and to the diabetes educators out there, for raising my awareness about carbs in the life of a diabetic.

So I finally ran across one box that had some really interesting numbers. Get this:
Serving size: 1/2 cup
Caolries: 60
Calories from fat: 10
Total Carbohydrates: 25 grams
Dietary Fiber: 14 grams
Soluble Fiber: 1 gram
Sugars: 0 grams
Other Carbohydrate: 11 grams

Holy cow! 14 grams of dietary fiber in 1/2 cup!! That oughta work better than Roto Rooter!

I've taken to buying milk in the small 2-cup bottles. Each cup of milk (this is whole, Vitamin D)has 11 grams of carbohydrate as a sugar. So I've found that 1/2 cup is plenty plus for a 1/2 cup of cereal. So count that as 6 carbs plus the 11 net carbs (once you subtract the dietary fiber from total carbs) and my breakfast is 17 carbs... just over one serving (15 carbs is one serving of carbohydrate.) Not bad, especially for the boost of that 14 grams of dietary fiber!

So what's this product I'm recommending to you? It is General Mills' Fiber One Bran Cereal. This one little serving is satisfying and provides you with 57 percent of your daily value of fiber.

Don't forget to drink lots of water with your fiber, and make sure you get some walking time in every day.

I have the first in a series of four diabetes education classes starting this morning. Every Wednesday morning from Halloween until the day before Thanksgiving I'll be at the hospital for three hours learning about managing my disease. That seems like a LOT of classroom time for me but I know I have to do this to live.

Keep up your good work, everyone. Tech, take care and let us know how the Sim Fast is going this week.

Slim Fast for 2 weeks

No, I haven't given up on losing weight. Been horribly busy with work and promoting Murder by Dewey Decimal, but that's no excuse. So I've decided to drink Slim Fast for two weeks.

I went on Slim Fast years ago and lost 40 pounds over six months. But eventually it made me sick -- probably because I didn't eat healthy that one meal a day that the Slim Fast plan allows and also sometimes didn't have that one meal, just drank another Slim Fast.

Anyway, I'm going to use Slim Fast to get my weight loss jump-started. I bought enough of it for two weeks and a bit more, and I started it today. The carbs in it are low enough to not mess up my diabetic diet plan, too. So I'm going to be drinking my breakfast and lunch the next 14 days. I'll let you know how it goes.

Just a quick checkin

I only have a few minutes before I leave for rehearsal, but I wanted to check in with you all. I've started a simple health journal. I'm keeping track of water because, since I'm not at home all day anymore, it's easy for me to lose track of how much I'm drinking. I'm keeping track of calcium supplements and the multivitamin. And just jotting down what I'm eating, but not how much, because I'm looking at the general pattern of my food habits. It's helping a lot to be more aware of that pattern, since my goal is better health.

My next exercise step is to add flexibility and strength training to my workout. Jeans work for walking, but not for yoga. I've finally found leggings in my size at a price I'm willing to pay, so I'm ordering them today. And I'm ordering a replacement for the Broadway tunes video I used to do that uses resistance bands for strength training. (My box of exercise videos disappeared somewhere between our apartment in Salinas and the time we lived at my mother's.) I prefer resistance bands because they're cheaper than free weights, take up less space in the house (a must, since our apartment is small), and are easy to do correctly. So, again, I'm doing those baby steps and getting closer to my goals. This area, surprisingly, is the easiest for me to improve, especially since I changed my goal to "improving my overall health" rather than "losing x number of pounds" or "becoming a size y". It just works better for me that way. I know I'm in the minority in our current "skinny is everything" culture. But that's my general MO in all areas of my life. I do what's important to me. FWIW

Hooray!

I broke through the 20-pound mark today! I've lost 20 pounds since we started The Great Slim Down. That makes six pounds I've lost since the Great Doctor Confrontation, too. Makes me want to go shopping for somethin'! All my pants are too big now!

Jean's Update

I hesitate to credit this, because my weight can easily fluctuate by this amount in a single day, but I hope by saying it, I'll draw encouragement and make real progress over the next couple of weeks. This morning, my weight was four pounds less than it was on the first of October.

Other than last night when I wasn't feeling well and didn't to any and tonight when I only did one, I've been doing two FitDeck cards per day for the last week and half. It's been easy, and it feels good to do (how many push-up cards are in that darn deck, anyway?).

I've done a good job of journaling what I eat each day -- including adding comments about what was going on when I think I've done some emotional eating to document and maybe validate patterns. By validating patterns, I can devise specific alternatives.

I'm fortunate to have a physician's assistant for an office mate, and he leads a very healthy lifestyle (his job here, until this reorganization, had been wellness). By paying attention to him, I've been getting some great ideas. For instance, his lunch today was yogurt and a banana. Is that a quick and easy lunch, or what?

How are your Baby Steps coming along?

3rd poll results

What's your favorite diet plan?
1 (12%): South Beach
7 (87%): Weight Watchers
0 (0%): Atkins
0 (0%): Jenny Craig
0 (0%): Housework
Total
8 voters

My Next Baby Steps

I've been noticing my diet (as in "what I eat regularly", not "some special food plan someone else made up so I'd get skinny") has been gradually getting a bit balanced in a way that usually happens when I have major stress, like my hubby's current laid-off status. I eat fewer fruits and veggies and more higher-fat "comfort food". That's not particularly unusual for a fat lady. But I don't feel well when I eat that way, so I try to pay attention and nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.

My husband has been complaining that we don't have plain, old sandwich bread around. I really want to bake my own again, but haven't had time. It doesn't take a lot of time to do the baking. The problem is you have to stay home so you can do the steps when it's time. And this week, I haven't been home. So, one of my things for tomorrow is to bake bread. I like to do my own because if I bake it, I know that it's whole wheat and I use eggs and 1% milk for part of the liquid, which increases the protein in the bread. This makes a very hearty loaf and then a half sandwich or one piece of French Toast is plenty. That story illustrates one baby step--do as much of my own baking as I can, boosting the nutrition in whatever ways I can.

Plus, it increases the whole grains in my diet. We've been eating whole grain pasta and they're making really good stuff now. I always make whole grain brown rice. It has more flavor than white. And I'm going back to eating steel-cut oatmeal cooked in 1% milk for breakfast. My husband likes to cook breakfast and he does great scrambles, omelettes, and stuff. But I'd like to save those for a special Saturday morning meal, rather than every day. The thing is, when he's off work, making breakfast gives him a feeling of doing at least one thing that's productive in his day. So, I'm going to see if doing a super-whoop-dee-do brunch on Saturday morning will do the same thing because he can plan it in advance and do it up special.

The other change I want to make is to have a salad and fruit with lunch, and a salad and 2 fruit/vegetable dishes with dinner. Or mix the equivalent into recipies. I used to aim for a salad and one veggie or fruit, but I noticed that I eat too large a serving of rice, potatoes, pasta, grains, etc. when I do that. My old way of eating is not particularly unhealthy, I just feel better and have more energy when I balance my food more toward veggies and eat smaller servings of meat and bread stuff.

We'll see how that goes as time goes on. The added benefit is that I'm substituting lower-calorie foods for higher-calorie foods, so I should lose some weight as a by-product of changing the way I eat. I'm planning to work on those changes this month. Then I have some other things I want to do next month.

Wow, Thanks!

Thanks for the banner! I weighed in again this morning and I am now FIVE POUNDS down from the doctor's visit and 19 pounds since the beginning of The Great Slim Down! Come on 20!! Maybe by Monday? Sometime in the next few days I will break through that 20 pound mark like a paper ribbon! Woo hoo!!!

Product recommendation

I just tried Morningstar's Veggie Bites for breakfast and Yum-O! Two thumbs up for this alternative to yuck.

A blend of egg whites and veggies formed into little bite-size morsels, there are three to a serving. 90 seconds in the microwave and I had a tasty, yummy, fast hot breakfast. The lightly breaded crust was nice, not soggy. Good texture, fabulous taste. I am very, very happy to have discovered these and tried them.

They are a very, very nice break from my cold cereal. There's something about starting the day with something hot that is much more satisfying.

Five stars!

Reporting in

As of this morning, I have lost 4 pounds since the Great Save Your Life speech of '07. Since we started the Great Slim Down, I am down 18 pounds.

I have reached one of those checkpoints where I need to realize my size has changed, and I don't need to buy clothes that are quite as large. Particularly slacks. I bought two pairs in my regular size, without a thought of trying them on, and both are loose on me, just about at the point of being miserably large. (boo hoo). Next payday I may actually try buying a smaller size, which will be a real landmark moment for me as I go down from plus size to regulars!

It is a bit hard to think that I'm right there at that milestone. I've been here before, and it's like climbing that first hill on a roller coaster. It's hard to get to the point where progress shows, and then ...

all of a sudden ...

WE'RE IN FOR A WILD RIDE ON THE WAY DOWN!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and my blood sugar levels are improving too!

Stumbling Along

Baby Steps are going well this week. I've logged what I've eaten in my private on line food diary. I've recorded my "loving movement" (to use a FlyLady term) -- my walks. I've faithfully done the exercise on each FitDeck card I turned up each day (usually more than the minimum number of repetitions). Today, I got exuberant and did two cards. I'm not ready to commit to doing two cards yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if I began doing more than one card a day. It's so simple.

I've read further into Body Clutter, and I'm making progress there.

2nd poll results

What's your favorite exercise?
2 (28%): Walking
0 (0%): Jogging
3 (42%): Swimming
2 (28%): Dancing
0 (0%): Housework
Total
7 voters

Drink That Water, Eat That Fiber

Both are critical to keeping the old body working, reducing weight and reducing cholesterol levels. They help you do it COMFORTABLY if you get my drift. Just sayin'. Cheers.

Boring may be good

A comment by Trixie about how she was getting tired of salads struck me as insightful. Or at least it gave me this insight: Losing weight means that food has to be less exciting than it was to me. No, wait, hear me out. There are thousands of cookbooks out there that teach us how to cook tasty low-cal meals. They use spices, garnishes, unusual combinations, substitutes, etc., but the point, the perhaps unconscious message of all those books is that eating is important, that it's something we need to spend time on, that taste should rule our lives. Yet ... there's an old saying about how we live to eat instead of eating to live.

I'm not saying that our meals have to be sand and ashes with a bit of grass. I am saying that too much emphasis on the desirability of food is a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with a boring salad while having a good lunch conversation with friends or while reading a good book or watching an interesting TV show.

Food has got to stop being our lover and has to become our casual friend. As you can tell, I've been carrying on an improper relationship with chocolate cherry cheesecake for years. I think it's time we both moved on.

What do you think?

Good stuff!

I am so happy to have an increase in participation here! Thank all of you for posting more often now and let me tell you how much I appreciate that we each have different things to contribute!

Tech, thank you so much for all you've done to inspire greater sharing. It's a huge help to have someone who is motivated to get others to write about their efforts. And I also thank you more than you can know for sharing diabetes information. I have an appointment with the diabetes educator at 7 tomorrow morning and a diabetes class for several hours Friday morning.

Now, a report on how my good tools are helping my progress. So far, I have lost 2.5 pounds since my doctor's appointment last week. My new scale also measures percent body fat and percent body water. These numbers are much harder to change! I am so dehydrated it may take me a few weeks to get my body water percentage up where it should be, but the main thing is I am aware now and working on that project! I think my cells have been dried up long enough that it's a little difficult to absorb as much water as I've been drinking. I'm trying to make water my main, if not my only, beverage.

Dropping the Diet Coke addiction will be easier than I thought, if I stay aware and alert. I tasted some last night and my brain is already realizing it's just too sweet tasting with good food. But habit won out at lunchtime -- I picked up a bottle and had already started drinking it before I realized what I had done. I must be more vigilant about that -- conscious about my choices. Even iced tea is better; I like the bitterness of unsweetened tea and it seems a better accompaniment to food than an artificially sweet drink. Water, however, is even better and absolutely more satisfying to the body.

I am getting tired of salads, though. I continue to eat them, because they are better than many alternatives. It is time for me to make my own. I've about gotten worn out with the fast-food choices for salads, and many are not truly good alternatives.

Another hint: Maybe you've all already done this, but virtually all fast-food places, as well as chain restaurants, have food nutrition information on their web sites. I spent some time one evening looking at what I consider "best choices" from each of the places I'm most likely to eat at. I was shocked, absolutely shocked, by some of the nutrition information!

It is encouraging, though, to think of the huge reduction in calories that will take place when I have stopped eating those things.

Now, I never did convince myself that Chili's Southwestern Egg Rolls are a diet food. I know better. But here's the shocker (if you like these the way I do): A serving is three pieces (six come in an order, and sometimes this is what I would have for lunch!) THREE have 810 calories, 51 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 59 grams of carb, 29 grams of protein, 10 grams of fiber and 1250 mg sodium!!! YIKES. My "lunch" has 1620 calories, way way more than I should have all day! But, but, I say, it's veggies! Yeah, right. Faulty thinking. I know better now. No more fooling myself that way. Now I will be informed before I go to a restaurant and order something I "think" is good for me.

Better choices. It's all about knowing the truth and choosing better.

New Baby Steps

OK. Fat Daddy has lost 43 pounds since the end of May (Yay for him!). I've gained three. Three is much less than I thought, but it's still going in a direction I don't want to go. This weekend, I decided to re-evaluate what Baby Steps I was taking, because the ones I thought would be simple enough weren't working.

I'm already walking at least five days a week -- I do some light trotting about one day per week, but it takes a few days for my knees to recover from that. I'm adding a Baby Step of doing one FitDeck card per night every night. That will take about two minutes, if that -- I need to establish the habit. Then it will be easy to add more cards and get it to a good work out.

I've gotten away from keeping my food diary. I was doing very well when I wasn't using it to evaluate what I was eating. I'm going back to just logging what I eat.

I'll continue working through Body Clutter. I'm about half-way through, and I think it's useful.

I have a private blog I started a few months ago but have been irregular about posting to it. I'm going to post here about once a week to report on how well I've done in meeting these goals. I plan to re-evaluate at the beginning of November to determine what to do next.

Food Stuff

One of my goals is to eat healthy 80-90% of the time and allow a bit for special treats. But I also abhor food designed to make me think I'm eating healthier, when a reading of the label shows me they've replaced one unhealthy food for another unhealthy food and labeled it to make me think it's good for me. One example is "Fat-free mayonnaise". Read the label. The first ingredient is some type of sugar, probably high fructose corn syrup, but I don't have a jar around to double-check. How is that better for me? It's not.

I drive my husband crazy when I shop for food. I can spend serious time in the aisles reading labels and searching out foods made with healthy ingredients. They cost more, but not nearly as much as a doctor would charge to fix health problems caused by eating unhealthy junk. Like my youngest son said, "When I eat junk food, I eat GOOD junk food." He meant food like the Terra brand chips. Yes, they're fried chips. But they have some made from various veggies, as well as potato. And they're fried in healthy oil. My favorite to-die-for chips are cooked in olive oil and have a wonderful blend of herbs on them. They're a type of "junk food" I'd choose as part of that 10-20% treat food. I don't rationalize eating junk food made with healthy ingredients regularly by saying, "It's healthy. See--potatoes, olive oil, salt and herbs. No bad stuff." Just way too many calories if you eat a normal serving rather than the few chips they say is a serving on the label.

There is a point to all of this. I wrote a post about a very healthy fruit salad. Here's the link: Fruit Salad Post. At the bottom, I put a companion recipe that looks like it's a sabotage. Because it's totally healthy, except for the hollandaise on the top. This is how I'm learning to manage, because I don't have health problems that preclude doing it this way. I have the fruit salad, the roasted (or grilled veggies), the poached egg. All healthy, and prepared in a healthy way. Then, I put a small spoonful of hollandaise, enough to get the flavor in each bite--maybe a tablespoon or so. That's not too much in terms of calories and fat and stuff for a meal. The rest of the day, I'd avoid saturated fats and it works. It takes thinking ahead and planning, but I learned that the key to eating the foods I really love and don't want to completely get rid of is to change the way I prep them and not to pair high-calorie foods with high-calorie foods when I'm planning my menus.

Getting the tools we need

I won't belabor the point about my "come-to-Jesus" meeting with the doctor, other than to say that I've had to assess what tools I need to take the approach I need to take.

Here are some of the items I have purchased in addition to the prescriptions I've been given:

1. A black leatherbound journal. I appreciate quality materials and would much rather spend a few extra dollars for a special journal for tracking this journey than use a half-used spiral notebook I drug out of my files. For me, this elevates my mission to project status instead of doodles.

2. A special pen to be used only with the journal. Again, quality tools inspire me.

3. A Brita water filter pitcher so I can cut back on buying bottled water all the time and still be able to measure the amount of water I drink in a day. Good-tasting water goes down better than that with a twang.

4. A high-quality scale. I threw my old one away when I moved because it held so many bad memories. Now I have a spiffy new model that is very sleek and scientific-looking. It measures weight, percent body fat and percent body water. You know what I found out? One of my problems is that I'm severely dehydrated. We should have a percent body water of at least 50 percent, up to as much as 75 percent for those lean people with low body fat. I was at 41 percent. A quick test for dehydration: Pinch the skin on the back of your hand and see how long it takes to return to its normal state. Does it stay in a peak? DRINK!

5.High-quality food. Everyone has a plan. Pick one that appeals to you and makes GOOD SENSE following the food pyramid. We're all at a time in our lives when we need to make loving choices. McDonald's has improved but it's still not loving enough for us! Find someplace where you can get a great salad and visit them often. Or make your own, if you have time and great produce. Make it special.

6. Support. All I had to do was mention to a co-worker that things had not gone well at the doctor's. Now several of us at the office are able to get out for short walks during the day. Fortunately we work close to our downtown area and we can encorporate walks into our work day, too. For instance, for me to walk to city hall and back is about a mile, but it sure doesn't seem like it. We all need support, and God finds ways of providing it when we need it.

7. Prayer. Start the day asking for the strength to do things right just for today. This is one of the principles of the 12-step programs -- one day at a time. It's all we can live, so we might as well ask for spiritual help to make the best of that one day.

Sabotage

First, Tech, your banner prompted me to get another glass of water before starting this post -- it's a good thing.

I've reached a non-effective point in my efforts. I can give lip service to wanting to lose weight, but I'd have to say I almost actively resist doing what I know I need to do to lose weight. This is the worst self-sabotage I've experienced yet in my life. It used to be I'd get on a roll and eat right, be happy, weight would fall off, and then one day it was as if a switch flipped in my head, and it all stopped working.

Maybe the same is true now -- in January 2006, I switched to a vegetarian lifestyle and lost ten pounds in the first month. I mostly kept them off. I injured my knee in March of 2006, but it still stayed off. I had my knee surgery in late July. In September, weight began to creep on. I still did pretty well. By the time January 2007 rolled around, I showed a net loss of 3.2 pounds for 2006. Not something most people would say much about, but I typically gain 10 - 30 pounds in a year. Losing 3 was huge to me.

For 2007, I'm up 23.8 pounds. Something must change -- and it needs to be me. In my case, weight loss has always been mental. When I achieve an appropriate mental state about the matter, weight falls off. When that "switch" flips, I feel powerless to do anything to correct the situation. It's a long weekend, maybe it's a good time to reflect and seek the "good" place again.

What do you do to get "back on track"?

Stress=Eating -- Eating=Stress

I started over today. I reset the start weight on my scales this morning. I haven't weighed myself for awhile, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, so at least there was something positive about stepping on the scales. LOL

I've been in a funk lately, and I know it has been affecting my eating. Having a lot hanging over my head seems to do that to me. So it leads me to believe that if I can get back on a routine, that will help--a lot.

This weekend should be fairly quiet, perhaps I can use some of that time to figure out how I'm going to do this. :)

Exercise & Appetite & Exercise, again

I've been forced to be off my feet for about a week. I let my shoes get too worn out and pulled something in my left foot/heel. Financially, I can't afford shoes, what with my husband being out of work again, but I can't afford medical care even more. So, I spent about an hour online. I found a pair with no tax and no shipping charges. I figured that was the best deal I'd get and bought them. I learned one lesson--that if I want to exercise without breaks due to injuries, I have to be more aware of the wear in my shoes and replace them before they get that worn out. I'm planning to start building back up to my 3-mile walk next week.

Second lesson--not doing the walking affects my appetite--negatively. I tend to eat more when I don't walk. Which is weird, because you'd think it would be the opposite, since I need more food to fuel the workout. But I think what happens is that I get bored and overeat. When I'm walking regularly, I tend to eat closer to the right amount, rather than too much.

I picked up some exercise videos last summer. One was a set of yoga and Pilates DVDs that has both beginning and advanced sets of both types of workout. The other is the NY City Ballet DVD with both the intermediate and advanced workouts. Even if they say the first one is beginning, it isn't. You have to be in pretty good shape to do it.

But I can't do them in jeans. I need clothes that allow more movement. I'm temping for our church secretary this week while she's on vacation. I'm going to use a bit of that extra money to get some shorts or footless tights or leggings, whatever's cheapest, so I can start doing them soon. I'm noticing that I need to do a wider variety of exercise. I'm going to add beginning yoga and Pilates to my exercise regimen. When I get to the more advanced videos, I'll start the intermediate NY City Ballet workout. I know, I'm way too old for real ballet. But with some modifications, I could do the workout, if I were in better shape in terms of flexibility. So, I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

The next DVD I want is to replace my Richard Simmons Broadway tunes workout that uses resistance bands for strength training. I was really getting stronger when I used that tape, but it's disappeared. I haven't been able to find it since we moved. That's the other missing piece in my exercise program. I notice the difference when I do all three types of exercise versus focusing on only one or two. Each of them is easier, too, when I do all three types of exercise.

That's just my observations on how it works for me. YMMV, as they often, correctly, say.

What do we really want?

I think the most important thing we can do about losing weight is to decide if we really want to. We can talk about it all day, all night and all week, but if that talking is not followed by actions, then we've done nothing -- except maybe burn a few calories with our jaw muscles.

We have to ask ourselves a few questions:

Do we want to lose weight?

Are we willing to make the lifestyle changes that we will have to make to lose weight?

Is losing weight more important that the reasons we overeat?

What do we really want?

These questions have to be answered by each of us. And then we can decide what to do. If we decide that losing weight isn't more important that overeating, then we can make different choices accordingly. And if we decide that we do want to lose weight, then we must different choices, also.

I have a list of reasons as to why I want to lose weight. I refer to them when I'm discouraged. I've printed them off and put them on my fridge door on bright orange paper. It's a visual reminder of what my decision is and why I choose it.

What do you use to keep you on the straight and narrower?

Scary Update

The doctor's visit was not easy. In fact, it was very, very difficult. We went over lab tests from the last visit. To quote the doctor, loosely, death is reaching out to grab me. My liver is affected. My kidneys are affected.

She's added two more new medications to my routine for now and referred me to a diabetes educator. She's urged (demanded) that I start journaling. She's urged (demanded) that I find a support system of some sort.

And, what surprised me most, is she urged me to check out the principles of 12-step programs. Yes, she sees poor eating habits as an addiction and said I need to get sober.

She said I literally am in a fight for my life right now. That's a sobering thought.

She said that I need to journal and plan and pray each day to do my best, and then turn it over to God.

I could use your help with that part, please.

Back to the doctor Tuesday

I have a follow-up doctor's visit tomorrow morning. I'm not worried that I gained weight -- if anything I think I lost a pound since the last visit. We'll see. I think this will be the great con-fab of 2007 where she sort of starts directing me to better living -- with luck that will include some diabetes education, but honestly, Tech has been wonderful at that. I'm interested in seeing if she prescribes medication for the diabetes. Surely that will be a consideration considering the lab test results. I'm also curious about the results of the EKG which she did not mention in her letter. I hope the visit is not all gloom and doom, but realistically I have no reason to hope for anything else.

Tonight, though, I am going to focus on cleaning up my dining room and trying to get settled at least in that one space. I have a free evening and I think creating a dining sanctuary is a very good use of my time and effort. I want a sacred space that invites me to take greater care of my body.

Photos will be posted on my personal blog of the before, during and after progression. Stay tuned!

1st poll results

What's your favorite treat?
3 (27%): Ice Cream
2 (18%): Chocolate
1 (9%): Cake or Pie
2 (18%): A side of beef
3 (27%): I'm not telling, but it's naughty
Total
11 voters

Bye-Bye WW

I cancelled my Weight Watchers membership. I just figured I've at this long enough that I know the program inside and out, I haven't been going to the meetings because I've been busy or just don't want to go out. The meetings aren't very close, so I always want a whole list of errands to run if I'm going that far.

Anyway, I figured my $40 for WW can be spent at a gym, taking up bowling again, or on my renewed love of reading mysteries. :)

A weekened of respite

Now and then I get a free weekend so I can go back to my former town and visit my good friends. This weekend was one of them.

These times are precious to me. I get out of my rut (though I have hardly had time to establish a new rut in my new town). I get to spend time at a beautiful place in the country with one of the best friends a person could ever had. I get to play with her big dog.

And perhaps most importantly, I get to recharge, refresh and get a clean start on right living.

My friend lives in a two-story log home on 10 acres in eastern Oklahoma County. It's far enough away from the big city that we can watch fireflies dancing in the dark and can see more stars in the night sky than I thought possible.

She treats me well when I visit. We eat frequent, small meals. We snack on those tiny triangles of cheese made by Laughing Cow, on whole-grain Triscuits. Later we have fruit. Still later, she steams some broccoli so it's barely tender and we eat that for a snack.

And we hydrate. Glass after glass of water while we work on projects at her house -- sorting through clothes to give away, hanging pictures, mending clothes. All those 15-minute jobs we all put off. Snack, work, drink. Snack, work, drink.

There is balance in these weekends. Relaxation and work, in a ying-yang, back-and-forth rhythm through the day.

OK, so one of the reasons we were so relaxed is that we stayed in our pajamas Saturday until 7 p.m. That's what a 15-year friendship is good for -- REALLY relaxing together. We sat on the front porch in wicker chairs and watched the dog play and the hawks fly. Later we moved to the balcony on the back of the house to see the far-away lights and the nearby lightning bugs.

Eventually we did get dressed a little to take a walk from the house down the long, winding driveway to the main road and back. That's about a mile round-trip, with an uphill stretch at the gate.

These weekends are always good for me. Somehow I sleep much better at the end of the day in her country, and I can be sure of having lost a pound at the end of the weekend.

I'm sure it's not all the healthy eating that does it. I am SURE part of it is the sheer relaxation, which allows the body to rebalance itself. I can almost hear it saying "thank you!"

That leg cramp that thought about attacking me half-way up the hill? It said "Nah, not tonight. But don't forget I'm thisclose to getting you again!"

Yeah, I beat the cramp back. Lots of water, a banana and a vitamin D with calcium took care of his scrawny be-hind you better believe.

Lots and lots of hugs this morning at my old church also helped rebalance my spirit. Knowing the power of love for myself puts me in the right mind to do loving things for others, too. I hope to bring some of the ministries from my old church to my new church to spread the love and grace around. And there's another part of the rebalancing at work.

Body, mind, spirit. It's good to have time to sit in the clear air on a fall day and put these back in balance. Try it, and don't forget the water, or the broccoli.

Life is good!

Peach Topping.

So. I post in comments about peach topping on ice cream, and Tech sends me an invite to participate in the blog. I'll try not to read too much into that. I've been failing more than succeeding at weight loss for a lot of years now. I think I'm mentally about ready to do something about that.

Your post here

Your inspiring, thought-provoking post goes here.

Your delicious recipe that is still sliming goes here.

Your thoughts about weight loss and how you/we need support goes here.

Your wisdom, wit and kindness go here.

Your support goes here.

Accountability

One of the things that helped me lose weight before -- when I was doing what I should -- was accountability. I had Weight Watchers, this blog and concerned friends who would ask me almost daily how the diet was going. Yes, it was annoying at times, but it also kept me aware of my diet.

It was also a test of my honesty. Because sometimes they would ask and I hadn't been good about my diet -- unless you consider a dish of French vanilla ice cream with hot peach topping and a flourish of whipped cream on top to be diet food -- and I didn't want to answer.

"I don't want to talk about it," was my standard reply, which was the same as an admission that I had fallen off the beam. Not that they chastised me -- in fact, they were always supportive except for one person who died a horrible death involving fire ants, a '59 Chevy and a goat -- but having to admit that I had slipped only fueled my desire to do better.

So, for me, this blog will be part of my accountability. And if you ask me if I walked last night, my reply is, "I don't want to talk about it." But I will walk tonight.

How are you doing? Please share your tips and thoughts. We're in this together, and I want to hear what you have to say. And if you'd like to join us, just let me know, and I'll sign you up in our team.

Little bitty baby steps ... GOOD!

I have a friend who is trying to quit smoking. She has been trying for years. She has tried the patch, pills, hypnosis, the Mormon stop smoking program, cold turkey, the Stop Smoking Boot Camp, subliminal tapes, etc. She once told me that she had tried 15 different ways to quit smoking. Nothing took. She was still smoking two and a half packs a day. Finally she decided that she would just cut back one cigarette a week. She couldn't stop smoking, but she could cut back. It's taken her a while, but she's down to a pack a day. She's still trying to cut back one cigarette a week.

Mind you, that might not work for other people. In fact, other people told her that it wouldn't. They told her that she should just stop. They told her that she didn't really want to stop. They told her a lot of things, but she's down to one pack a day and she can see finally see a time when she's two packs a week and then one pack a week and then no packs a week. "Little bitty baby steps" took her forward to her goal. Even though the steps were small, they were still moving her forward.

Likewise with our weight loss, baby steps are good. As long as we keep moving forward, we will get there. Maybe not as fast the person next to us, but just applaud their success and keep taking those steps forward.

***

How are you doing on your Thursday Health Habit? I walked my 15 minutes a day or more every day except yesterday. No excuses, I just didn't do it. I will today. So how are you doing?

Rebirth

They say that the cells in our body renew themselves every 90 days. In other words, the old cells die and are replaced with new cells. These new cells model themselves after the old cells and even -- in our brains -- exchange information so that the new cells can carry on like the old cells. So every 90 days we are literally new.

This is, I think, a metaphor for how we can change. (Admittedly it's a sloppy metaphor because that's not exactly how cellular reproduction works, but close enough. Work with me.) We can shed what we were and embrace a new way of being. We can be reborn.

This metaphor can apply to anything in our lives, from spiritual and moral issues to weight loss. Of course, we can't lose all the weight we gained in 90 days -- look, I said it was a sloppy metaphor -- but we can make changes in how we live that will create the weight loss we need.

And we do need it. Being over-weight increases our chances for stroke, heart disease, diabetes, etc. And just as importantly, being over-weight steals our energy and strength. It dilutes our joy in living and being active.

So let us decide right now that we will embrace this rebirth. That we will be new people. That we are no longer victims of poor habits. That we are worthy of being healthy, strong and happy.

This is it.

We can do it.

Our time is now.

***

To do this, I am going to change a habit a week and start a new habit. Here's my first new habit.

1st Change: I will walk 15 minutes a day starting today.

Will you join me in doing this?

It looks like we all need some inspiration

Thanks, Trixie, for providing some in your last post. I wonder if the rest of the folks will pop in and read it. I hope so.

I'm about where I was last year, in terms of weight management. I'm maintaining that 35 or so pound loss. I'm still walking 4-6 times a week, about 3 miles.

We moved out of my mom's and two weeks later, Paul got laid off because the company decided to reorganize itself. So, the stress level is way up. I figure that walking and writing regularly in my journal helps the stress. As does my choir singing. My part-time job helps pay the bills, which gives us a little more time to job hunt. So, maintaining is my whole goal. I don't want to let the emotional roller-coaster our uncertain finances put us on make me start overeating and couch-potatoing. That just leads to health problems I can't afford to get fixed--no insurance, of course.

Anyway, I hope you all are OK. I haven't been reading blogs, so I don't know what's going on with you all. I hope to catch up as I have a bit more time, since I'm not frantically unpacking boxes anymore.

New inspiration

I finally was able to go see a doctor today (Well, I guess now it's yesterday since it's after midnight.) I think it's been well over four years since I was able to see a doctor because of the lack of insurance. My new coverage just recently kicked in.

For once, I was pleased to see the number on the scale. It confirms that I've lost 14 pounds since we started this project together. If you think of all that has happened in that time, I count that as a good achievement.

You know what was great about this doctor's visit? No nagging about my weight! Yes, I need to lose more weight. I'd personally like to lose 35 pounds now. That is certainly a goal that can be accomplished, and with dedication, it wouldn't take long.

But in addition to not being nagged, my new doctor planted a new thought in my mind. Perhaps it's because my new doc is a woman, but when she talked to me, she had a whole new perspective that I've never gotten from a male doctor. (It also could be my age. Now that I'm past the 50-year-old benchmark, it could be that I'm in some golden-age group where health care is routinely handled differently.)

OK, so for whatever reason, it was the approach that has made all the difference to me with this consultation. Take the emphasis off the weight itself as THE PROBLEM. Instead, let's talk about it from the other side.

"We need to work on getting your blood pressure back under control," New Doctor said. "There comes a time in our lives when we need to start letting go of some of the things that stress us out so we can focus on the things that make our lives worth living."

READ THAT AGAIN. And a third time, for good measure!

It was an epiphany for me. Here's someone approximately my age, or in the ballpark, who is a medical professional, and she's giving me permission to slow down and stop killing myself. I don't have to keep running so hard any more to justify myself professionally or personally.

We talked quite a bit about taking life easier, downshifting to a slower pace and improving the quality of life.

We talked quite a bit about the fact that my dad died at 56 -- just four years older than I am right now. My brother died at 42. My mom lived to 74 -- which may seem like a good age, but consider the lineage on her side of my family... most all of the relatives on that side lived into their late 90s, except my mother and her sister. One great-aunt lived to 101.

I told the doctor that if I averaged it all, I probably could count on making it to 60, followed by a scared little laugh. Unfortunately I'm thinking that might have too much the ring of truth to it.

"We none of us get out of this alive," she said. "The trick is to make these years as good for ourselves as we can."

READ THAT AGAIN. And a third time, for good measure.

"It's time to slow down and enjoy the pleasures of eating better, of drinking better. To build a support network of friends and enjoy a slower pace of life. To GET BETTER SLEEP."

I emphasized the part about getting better sleep and what a key component this is in keeping our hearts healthy.

I have sleep apnea, but I am very stubborn and refuse to use my CPAP machine. Why? Because the doggone tubing easily comes apart during the night and blows pressurized air in my eye or my ear. Yeah duh. There are better tubing systems out there that are far more comfortable. I have tons of friends who have used them and speak with amazement about how much better they sleep when they use their machines -- how much more rested they are when they can actually BREATHE at night.

OK, so my brother died of sleep apnea and/or heart failure; my dad had a heart attack, my mom died of congestive heart failure. Gee, unless I'm hit by a bus or something, I can kind of see what's going to take me out, too.

New Doctor wants to repeat my sleep study to see what stage my apnea is at and what my settings should be on my machine, and we're going to look at finding some better equipment, something I can use comfortably, that will improve the quality of my sleep and maybe extend my life. What a concept!

And -- this is important -- she looked in my nose. Imagine that, a doctor looking at a patient's ability to breathe! She jumped back a bit and said "No wonder you have such a hard time breathing through that little nose!" Apparently it's quite the mess in there and isn't serving me very well. I asked if she could get me some rhinoplasty because I've always wanted a nose job. She quite seriously said that might be something we need to look at, because I'm not getting enough air through this defective part. Thanks for your genetic contribution, Grandpa Smith! She also prescribed a nasal spray to open up the little space I do have inside my noggin.

Before I left, they did an EKG, drew blood, and had me pee in a cup. They are going to take a good look at the labwork and the EKG and have me come back in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, she's put me on a new drug for my blood pressure which includes a dose of Lipitor for cholesterol, so I don't have to take more pills. Lipitor works wonders for me in controlling my cholesterol, so I'm glad to have that component back. I hope the blood pressure shows great improvement over this time.

I suspect, that with her help and compassion, I'll be showing some improvements all around before long. I think all of us do better physically when we think there's someone who cares about how we're doing. And that includes the weight issue.

After all, it's not the weight itself that we should be concerned about. It's what it does to our bodies, our quality of life, that matters. I think we've approached things backwards for a long time. We've turned weight into a shame matter instead of a quality of life issue.

This is what I want to change, for whatever time I happen to have left. It's time for me to slow down, let go of the stressors and love the life I've been given! And at 52, a Quarter Pounder and fries just isn't loving enough.