Tough Cookies Don't Crumble

I found some new diet tips I thought I'd share with y'all...just something to help us on our way to the cute clothes department. Remember we must look beyond food if we are ever to look down and see our feet.

1. Whenever someone calls tell them you're on the way to the gym. Word will get around about what great shape you're in and who knows, you might actually start going there, too.

2. Having trouble drinking your 8 glasses of water? Tech suggested adding a squeeze of lemon, but what the heck, add a whole lemon. How many calories could that be? Ooops, too sour? Add a few spoonfuls of sugar, but just sugar made from sugar beets. That way you can get in a vegetable, too. Oh, and add just a shot of Vodka to make a perfect Lemon Drop drink...now, you should have no trouble getting in 8 glasses of water...

3. This is an old trick, but it really works. Only eat while standing in front of a mirror naked. You'll be lucky to get in more than a bite or two before you're thrown out of the restaurant, and the pounds will melt off.

4. Here's a little shortcut I use to make counting calories a snap. Just remember that foods of the same color have the same amount of calories. For example, pistachio ice cream is = to spinach, white chocolate is = to mushrooms. You get the idea.

5. Eat as much food as you like, just don't swallow it.

6. Make eating a game. A game of chess for instance. Substitute the chess pieces for food. You can only eat when you capture your friend's players. You'll either get really, really good at chess or you'll lose weight.

7. Here's one for you folks always who are always on the go....a box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place! How handy is that?!

8. If eating late at night is keeping you from losing weight, have your significant other handcuff you to the bed at 7:30 pm. Not only will you quit eating at night, but it might just work out into burning a few extra calories, as well.

9. Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. Or was that a glass of water? No, that can't be right...you can only drink so many Lemon Drops in one day...

10. If all else fails, fatten up the people around you and you'll look at least 10 pounds thinner!