"Captain, captain! The Fatoids are advancing!"
Captain Tech of the TGSD Starship Blackbird glanced at his weapons officer Willa Wong. "Raise diet shields, W.W.!"
"It's no good, captain!" Wong said. "They've fired a round of soft drinks with two fast food burgers!"
Tech paled. "Reverse course! Fire exercise torpedoes!"
"Captain, they've placed chocolate chip cookie mines," observed Science Officer Spooky. "We cannot retreat."
"Twinkies!" the captain swore. "Divert auxiliary power to the shields! Hold position! All hands brace for impact!"
The soft drinks and burgers hit the ship. Warning lights went off. The ship lurched.
A few hours later, after the Fatoids had retreated, the captain asked for a status report.
"Captain, we haven't lost ground," Spooky said. "But we haven't advanced any, either."
"Well, that's something," the captain said, frowning, the light outlining his chiseled good looks. "But we must do better next week!"
And if you haven't figured it out from our adventure, my weight stayed the same this week. I hope all of you do better.